One More Miracle
by ennisjackgal
Summary: Eight months after Jack's death, Ennis is struggling to go on. As he reaches the end of his own life, he finds that he doesn't have to face it alone.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's notes_

_Hey guys! This is just a short story, ten chapters over ten days. I was going to write this last year but personal circumstances made it too hard for me. But I'm ready to write this now and I hope you enjoy it._

_Kathryn xxx_

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**Chapter 1**

_February 3rd, 1984_

It had been eight months, and life hadn't changed for Ennis Del Mar. He was still living in a dirty, half-desolate trailer park, where he hardly saw anyone and nobody bothered him. Even the mailman didn't knock; just put the mail in the box outside. That was when he got any mail, usually just the Hamley's Saddle Catalogue.

He didn't see much of his daughters anymore; Junior was getting married in four months and Jenny had her own life going on. He was proud of them, but part of him wished he saw them more often.

But that was nothing compared to the regret he felt when he thought of Jack. The way he'd reacted when Jack had tried to comfort him after their fight, the way he'd kept his distance for four years...but most of all how he'd kept saying no to living together. He wished he could have been braver; maybe then things might be different.

The dreams were the worst. When he didn't dream about what used to be, he dreamt of what might have been. A ranch with Jack, a home...some kind of family. They could have spent every single day together, and it wasn't so impossible. The world was changing, or so he heard, and maybe if they had lived quiet then things might have been alright.

But it was too late now. Jack was gone and Ennis was well aware of what the Church taught; there was no telling where Jack might be now or if Ennis would ever see him again. He hoped that he would, but there were no guarantees.

He didn't see much of his girls and Alma didn't want anything to do with him, so he was alone. Cassie had given up on him because he was just unable and unwilling to give his heart to someone else; it was just too broken.

The problem was, everything seemed to remind him of Jack. He would see a flyer for a rodeo and think of Jack bull riding. He would see a blue heeler dog and think of the ones they had on Brokeback. Every time he saw a black hat, he thought of the one that Jack used to wear. He thought of Jack all the time and the pain never lessened.

Speaking of pain, there was something else. In the last few months, he'd developed a cough that he couldn't seem to shake. He'd smoked heavily for most of his life, so he figured that was the cause. But he didn't have the money to see a doctor so he left it. If he was completely honest with himself, there was another reason why he didn't want to do anything about it. If there was the chance that he could see Jack again, he wanted it to be sooner. He felt terrible for doing this to his girls, but they would be okay now; they were growing up and would be looked after. He wanted to see Jack again.

At the moment, he was making himself breakfast in the kitchen. He didn't have much by way of food, just what he picked up in town at the weekend. Junior had been badgering him to buy some proper food, but he just couldn't see the point in wasting money. He bought what he needed and that was that.

He coughed into a handkerchief and saw some phlegm, grimacing. He knew he should see a doctor but he just didn't want to.

_Should take care of yourself, cowboy, _said a familiar voice in his head. He shook it off, thinking it was a memory. But then he realised that Jack had never said that to him in all the time he'd known him. Maybe his conscience had taken on Jack's voice; that did seem to fit.

_Wish I could see you again, bud, _he thought to himself, tears springing to his eyes. He wiped them irritably and tried to focus on what he was doing. Even just something like cooking reminded him of Jack, and how terrible he'd been at doing this. Ennis fondly recalled how he had burned the beans once, which they had both laughed over. He missed Jack's laugh and smile, and sparking blue eyes.

He gripped the sink, trying to control the flow of emotion inside him. He missed Jack so much and needed to see him again. It was just too much to bear on his own.

When he had calmed down, he left his meagre breakfast to cook and went to his closet. Opening the door, his eyes fell on the small shrine on the door. The two entwined shirts, with his on the outside, and the postcard of their mountain. That place had brought them together and even though it had caused him great pain, it had also brought him the greatest love he'd ever known. He had loved Jack with all his heart, and he had never said so. Jack deserved to hear it and Ennis had been too much of a coward to say it.

_I'm sorry, Jack..._

He closed the door and went to eat his breakfast, looking around the tiny trailer. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he thought he could sense a presence there. Maybe Jack was around, to keep him company? If that was the case, then why hadn't he presented himself? Ennis wanted to see him and talk to him; to ask for forgiveness and to let Jack know that he had always loved him.

After breakfast, he put the dishes away and gathered everything he would need for work. His boss and co-workers had noticed his cough and general state, but hadn't said anything to him. Either they thought he didn't want to talk, or they simply recognised a broken heart that had almost given up.

He looked around the trailer again, wishing that something would happen for once. Even just a whisper in his ear would let him know that he wasn't alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Ennis's co-workers left him alone while they were working, which suited him just fine. He was starting to feel his body weaken now, but he refused to go and see a doctor. He just couldn't cope anymore; he wanted out of this mundane, lonely existence. Jack wasn't here and his girls would be fine now. He didn't want to leave them but he wanted to go on, and maybe find Jack again. Part of him yearned for that summer when they were teenagers, experiencing love for the first time and finding their soul mate.

When he returned to his trailer in the early evening, he could immediately tell that something was amiss. He knew he'd put his ashtray on the kitchen worktop that morning before he'd left, but now it was on the table beside his armchair. His brow furrowed as he looked at it, trying to figure out what had happened. Even with no signs of a break-in, it didn't make sense for someone to rob him and then move the ashtray.

Then he noticed something else; the door to his closet, the one that held the shirts, was wide open. He had definitely closed it that morning after looking at them; he remembered doing so because it was his normal routine, and that hadn't changed in eight months.

Ennis looked slowly around his trailer, and a small glimmer of hope appeared in his heart. Was it Jack, showing him that he wasn't alone? Was this Jack's way of letting him know he was there? Jack had never been very subtle, he recalled, especially not on that first night when everything had changed.

"Jack?" he called out cautiously, knowing it sounded stupid but not caring. There was no answer, and his heart sank again. Maybe he'd done those things himself and was starting to lose his memory due to grief. That made him feel even worse; he was missing Jack so much that it was making him crazy.

He put his work bag down and went into the bathroom, where everything seemed normal. He coughed and hacked a little before getting under the hot shower, thinking to himself. He didn't normally believe in ghosts but this was making him wonder. If it was Jack, then why was this only starting to happen now, eight months after his death? Why hadn't it happened before? If Jack had come back for some reason, what was it? The Bible said that men like them went to Hell for their sins, so how could Jack have come back? And what would really happen when he himself died?

Ennis couldn't make head or tail of it, but he knew what he was hoping for. Maybe Jack would reveal himself if he asked. Even in life, Jack hadn't liked to do anything without checking he was okay with it. He'd sometimes been so wary of Ennis's reaction that it had bordered on fear, which Ennis hated himself for. He'd never wanted Jack to be afraid of him.

He climbed out of the shower and was towelling himself off when he caught sight of the steamed-up mirror. There, on the glass and clearly recently applied, were two words.

_It's alright_

Ennis stared at them and thought back to that night in the tent when they had first kissed. Jack had whispered those same words to him to get him to relax, and he could still hear them now if he concentrated hard enough. Only Jack would know what those words meant to him, and he bit his lip. Surely this wasn't some kind of sick joke? Nobody else would know those words and their meaning.

"Jack?" he tried again, but there was again no answer. Jack was leaving him signs but not talking to him. Was Jack still angry with him? He hoped not; if he was nearing the end of his life like he suspected then he didn't want Jack to be angry with him. He would need some reassurance. "Jack...I know you're there..."

He shook his head and got dressed, walking back out into the main area. There was nothing strange there, so he proceeded to make himself some dinner. He didn't know what to think now; only Jack could be doing these things but he wasn't revealing himself. Maybe Ennis wouldn't even be able to see him if he did. Maybe Jack would just be a disembodied voice. Still, that was better than nothing; at least Jack would be there.

He jumped when the TV came on by itself, on some news program. He shivered slightly and turned it off. Maybe it wasn't Jack, but something else trying to scare him. He didn't know much about this stuff, mostly due to his upbringing, but he hoped that Jack was just trying to get his attention.

He ate dinner, warily looking around the trailer for any signs of activity and hoping still that Jack would speak to him. After washing up, he drew a deep breath.

"Jack...I dunno if it's you doin' this stuff, but...if it is, don't just ignore me. I wanna talk to you, wanna see you...please, bud." Tears gathered in his eyes and he wiped them away. "Jack..."

A thought suddenly popped into his head to open the other closet door, the one that had a mirror on the inside. He wasn't sure why this occurred to him, but he went over there and opened it.

He saw his reflection, but nothing else. Ennis squeezed his eyes shut and prayed that Jack would come to him. He didn't want to carry on like this.

When he opened them, he opened his mouth in shock at the figure standing behind him. A face he knew so well and had missed so much. Ennis spun around to be greeted by the man whom he'd thought he'd lost forever. The deep blue eyes were sparkling at him like they used to, and there was a small, gentle smile upon those lips that he knew well.

"Hey, cowboy."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Ennis had frozen where he stood, staring with wide eyes at the sight before him. Jack was here, and looked as solid as any other person. But Jack was dead and he knew it, so what was this?

"Ennis, say something," Jack said to him, looking slightly worried now. "Come on..."

"You...you died," Ennis breathed, feeling slightly faint. He had suspected that Jack was around but he hadn't been prepared for this. "You did..."

"Yeah, I did," Jack agreed, nodding. "But I'm here..." Ennis sank down to his knees, hands over his mouth. Jack was _here_, back with him.

"I..." he started, shaking. "I..." Jack knelt down in front of him and Ennis felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around him, just like they used to. He had missed this feeling so much, and he slowly wrapped his own arms around Jack.

"Shh..." Jack soothed, rubbing his back. "It's alright..."

"You're solid," Ennis pointed out, not understanding how this was possible. "What...?"

"What am I?" Jack finished for him, pulling his face away. Ennis remembered those features so well. "I'm kind of a ghost, I guess. Things on the other side are more complicated than you think, bud."

"Are you really here? I'm not dreamin'?" Ennis asked hopefully. Jack shook his head.

"Not a dream, Ennis. An' you're not losin' it. I'm here, for you."

"Why?" Ennis asked, smiling slightly when Jack cupped his cheek. Jack was cold to the touch, but he was very familiar and Ennis had missed him too much to care about how strange this was.

"Ennis...that cough you've got. It's serious, bud. You've got lung cancer..."

Ennis bit his lip, nodding. "Shoulda guessed, I s'pose. How did you know?"

"Ghosts can read auras, apparently," Jack said to him. "Like...we can tell things about a person just by lookin' at 'em. On the other side, they told me you were dyin', so I asked to come back an' keep you company until it happens."

"How long?" Ennis asked him, lowering his head.

"You've got a week," Jack told him, as gently as possible. "I'm sorry, cowboy. Wish there was a better way to tell you."

Ennis shook his head. "Well, can't do nothin' now. Guess that's it." They stood up together and Jack took Ennis's hands.

"I'm gonna help you through it, Ennis. You're gonna get weaker an' eventually you won't be able to get out of bed. Dyin' can be real scary, but I'm gonna be here."

They sat down on the bed together, Ennis still taking in everything that had just happened. "Can't believe you're really here," he said shakily, smiling at Jack. His lover grinned.

"I know. I missed you, Ennis. But I was always watchin' you. Makin' sure you were okay."

Ennis felt a lump in his throat. "I missed you so much, Jack. I...I wanted to tell you...I love you." He'd never had the courage to say those words when Jack was alive, but everything was different now.

Jack touched his cheek. "I love you too, Ennis. Always have." Jack wanted to kiss him but wasn't sure if Ennis would be okay with that. "Ennis..."

"Can we...?" Ennis asked, feeling unsure of himself. Jack nodded.

"We could kiss, but that's it for now. Anythin' else has to wait, bud." Ennis shifted closer, need in his eyes. "It's gonna be cold, you know."

Ennis smiled a little. "Don't care, rodeo." They leaned in and their lips met for the first time in nine months; they had both missed this. It was cold as Jack had said, but it felt good.

When they pulled apart, both of them grinned in spite of themselves. "I missed you so much, Jack," Ennis choked out, pulling Jack into his arms again. Jack had been, and still was, the love of his life and part of him was glad that they would be truly reunited soon.

"I missed you too. That was me doin' all the stuff around here. I wanted to get your attention an' you were tryin' to talk to me. But I couldn't appear until you looked in the mirror. Not sure why...things are just complicated with this stuff."

Ennis nodded. "Jack...I know we've got a lot to talk about. But I wanna know now...how did it happen? Lureen said the tire blew up an' got you in the face..."

Jack sighed. "Ennis...I'll tell you more over this week, I promise. There's a reason why Lureen lied, an' I'll tell you later on. But the truth is...I was murdered. I went out for a drive just outside Childress. I was in this field, walkin' around...next thing I know there's three guys with tire irons. I...it was all a blur an' over in a flash. I remember lyin' there for a little while after they left, slippin' away an' thinkin' about you." He sighed. "Then I got up an' saw my body on the ground underneath me. I walked back to the house, didn't know what else to do. Lureen an' Bobby weren't there, but there was this door where there usually ain't one. I walked through it an' that was that."

"Now you're back," Ennis said, squeezing his hands. "I thought it might be guys with tire irons, but I didn't wanna think about it. Keep thinkin' how it was like when Earl died. I used to have nightmares of seein' you like him, torn up..."

"You never told me that," Jack said softly, looking sadly at him. "Ennis..."

"Well...guess there's a lot of things we gotta talk about," Ennis replied, and Jack nodded. "Just glad you're here, darlin'."

Jack smiled at the familiar endearment. "Me too, cowboy. Gonna be here for you, okay? I know it's gonna be scary, an' it'll hurt, but...I'm here."

Ennis felt Jack kiss his cheek and felt happier than he had in months. It was strange to have Jack's ghost here with him, but at least they were back together. That was all he cared about right now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_February 5th, 1984_

A couple of days later, Ennis had gotten used to the strange turn of events. Jack had stayed with him all the time since his appearance, and remained in the trailer when Ennis went off to work. Ennis was happier than he had been lately, but his cough was getting worse and he was starting to move slower than usual. Nobody said anything to him and that was just fine. He didn't want sympathy, even though people meant well when they gave it.

When he returned from work, he found Jack sitting around and reading his Saddle catalogue or watching TV. The sight warmed his heart; it gave him a glimpse of what could have happened if he'd said yes to Jack. It did pain him a little to know this now, but at least they would be together properly soon. Just a short amount of time and it would all be over at last.

He hadn't seen his girls yet, since they were busy themselves, but he knew he would have to before the week was up. They deserved to know that he wouldn't be around for much longer. Not only that, but a plan was forming in his mind that he only trusted Junior with.

It was Sunday now; he and Jack were sitting on the bed together and talking. He did yearn to do more with Jack than just kiss, but it wasn't possible. He could wait; they would have eternity to spend together and that was a reassuring thought. All of that time with Jack, with nobody to hurt them or tell them it was wrong. Part of him couldn't wait.

"Jack?" he asked, squeezing his lover's cold hand. Jack turned to look at him. He was happy, even though it was strange.

"Hmm?"

"You said...that there's a reason why Lureen lied about what happened to you. Um...you ready to tell me?" Part of him suspected what had happened, but he needed to hear it from Jack.

Jack sighed and sat up a little. "Okay. The thing is...Lureen knew about us. And that wasn't the only thing. You knew about me goin' to Mexico, but that wasn't all. Remember me tellin' you about seein' the ranch foreman's wife? Well..."

Ennis looked away; he'd known it for a while. "Jack...I guess I knew as soon as I figured out about Mexico. An' I get why you didn't tell me the truth."

"I didn't wanna lose you," Jack told him, wanting Ennis to face him again. "I knew you'd flip out if I told you. Ennis...I lied to you, that evenin' after we had sex the first time. I am queer an' I've always known it. Sorry I had to lie..."

Ennis shook his head; he didn't need to hear an apology. "Water under the bridge, Jack. Was kinda my fault that you did all that stuff, huh?"

"If we'd been together, then I never woulda done that stuff," Jack told him earnestly. "I swear...I woulda been faithful."

"I know, bud. So, um...about Lureen? She knew?"

"Well...after our last trip I went home, an' I did some thinkin'. I couldn't live like that anymore an' I didn't wanna keep meetin' that guy either. I wanted you, so I...I decided to tell Lureen everythin' an' move up closer to you, to Wyomin'."

"You were gonna move up here?" Ennis asked in disbelief. If Jack had done that then maybe they might have had a chance. But it was too late to know now.

Jack nodded. "Yep. So about a week after our trip, I called it all off with that guy an' decided to tell Lureen. She took it okay, I guess. Didn't cry or yell at me, but she was weird. Barely spoke to me except about the divorce. I stayed in the spare room after that while I wrapped things up."

"How come you didn't let me know you was comin'?" Ennis asked. Jack shrugged.

"I wanted to surprise you. Maybe it was better that I didn't, considerin' what happened a few weeks later. I was lookin' at places to live an' everythin', willin' to give you time."

Ennis half-smiled at him, nodding. "Okay. So...?"

"So the week before I died, Lureen asked me if you were the only guy I ever...you know. I told her everythin', an' she was upset by that. When you called her, she had decided to cover everythin' up for her dignity. She didn't want anyone knowin' why I got killed. They were mechanics from town, an'...I dunno, they must have seen me with that guy. They followed me out of town an' into the fields."

Jack sighed when he had finished his story, wondering how Ennis felt about all of this.

"How many guys, Jack?" Ennis finally asked, trying not to hurt too much. "Just tell me."

"Well...there was the guy durin' my first summer, then you. Couple on the rodeo circuit before I met Lureen. Then there weren't any more until I found you in Riverton. You made me hope that we might have somethin' so I decided to wait it out. Didn't do anythin' until I turned up at your house an' you drove me away. That's when I went to Mexico. After that...i went down there a couple times a year."

Ennis nodded. "So, then what?"

"Then I started thinkin' about how dangerous it was, so I decided to stop. That's when I met the ranch foreman."

"Jack, I...I don't wanna know the details," Ennis told him, shaking his head. Jack nodded.

"Fair enough. All that matters is what's happenin' now. I'm with you, like I always wanted. An' when you die, we're gonna be together. I love you, Ennis." He smiled widely, squeezing Ennis's hand. Ennis nodded.

"Love you too, Jack." They kissed and Ennis got up to use the bathroom, leaving Jack alone to think. They had been through so much in their lives, but now everything was coming together and they would be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ennis made lunch for himself and sat around talking to Jack as he ate. He told Jack about how the girls were doing and asked how Bobby was faring. Jack told him that he'd been keeping an eye on his son over the last eight months and that he was going to be okay. It was clear that despite his unhappy marriage, Jack had loved his son and now wished that he'd spent more time with him between fishing trips. They both had regrets about their lives but it was almost over now.

"He's a good kid," Jack told him as they sat on the sofa. They had considered sitting outside the trailer but it would look like Ennis was talking to himself, and he didn't need that kind of attention. "Lureen did her best with him but she wasn't really the type, you know? She had her head in her daddy's business an' that was that."

Ennis nodded. "Still, he had you, bud." Jack shook his head.

"Not so much towards the end. After...you turned me away that time I started drinkin' durin' the day. Was so miserable that I just didn't wanna make the effort with him. I feel terrible 'bout it now but...nothin' I can do."

Ennis put his arm around Jack and tried to comfort him, and his attention was then drawn by a knock on the door. They exchanged a glance and Ennis got up to answer it. Standing outside was a delivery man holding a large box.

"Ennis Del Mar?" he asked, and Ennis nodded. "Delivery from Lightnin' Flat. The woman who sent it says it's essential that it don't get broken, so..." Ennis thanked him and took the box inside; Jack's ears had perked up at the mention of Lightning Flat, and was now hovering as Ennis took the box to the kitchen counter.

"What...?" He didn't get any further, and now felt very strange about this package. He knew exactly what this was.

Ennis opened the box to reveal an urn and a letter, and he stared at them. "Jack...is this...?"

"Yeah," Jack replied, feeling a strange kind of pull towards the urn. "They're my ashes..." He looked at Ennis. "My mama...she sent 'em."

Ennis took the letter and opened it; Jack leaned over his shoulder so that they could read it together.

_Ennis,_

_I know what it was between you and my son, and it's okay. I only ever wanted him to be happy, and I'm sure you made him happy when you met up in the mountains. A mother always knows, and I knew what he felt for you._

_A few days ago, Jack's widow sent us the rest of his ashes from Texas, saying that we should have them. His daddy said that the ones we had were going in the family plot, but that didn't happen. I knew you wanted them, and wanted to scatter them on Brokeback, so when his daddy was out I bought an urn just like it and put some dirt in there, and hid away Jack's ashes. I let his daddy bury the new one and now we've got the other half I'm sending it all to you._

_I know you loved my boy, so I'm asking you to do what you wanted and scatter them where he would've wanted. I wish you two could've been together because it would've made my boy so happy, but maybe you two will be together one day anyway. God works in mysterious ways, after all. Best of luck, Ennis._

_Love, _

_Rose Twist_

They stared at the letter, taking it all in. "Your mama's a sneaky one, Jack," Ennis observed, feeling glad for this fact. It was okay for him to love Jack.

"She sure is," he agreed. "There's more to her than meets the eye." They then looked at the urn. "So all of my ashes are in there, includin' the ones that Lureen had. Wonder why she sent 'em up?"

"I dunno, but...I'm glad she did. There's somethin' I wanted to do an' I didn't think it'd work without the other half."

"What's that?"

Ennis turned to face him, taking his hands. "Jack...I want us to always be together, you know that. When I die, that'll happen but then what about my body? I can't be buried if your ashes are scattered. Don't seem right. So I was thinkin'...I wanna be cremated an' have mine scattered on Brokeback with yours."

Jack's lip trembled and he looked down, not knowing how to react to such a sweet gesture. "Ennis...I dunno what to say. I think that's a great idea."

"An' you know what else? Those shirts...I want them with us. They could be burned, an' added to all the ashes."

Jack grinned and kissed him, feeling more in love than ever. "Okay. But who's gonna do it? No priest is gonna do that for two guys."

"I was thinkin' about askin' Junior," Ennis told him. "She's the smartest girl I know an'...the way she looked at me sometimes, it was as if she wanted to talk to me 'bout somethin' important. I think that somehow, she knew why it didn't work with her mama or Cassie. She knew I loved someone but couldn't be with 'em, so...if I tell her everythin' I know she'll do this for us."

Jack cupped his cheek. "I think it's the best idea I've ever heard, Ennis. An' if this is what you want then it's fine with me." They sat down on the sofa together, still clasping hands. "I know this whole thing is really weird, but...I'm glad we're together again."

"Me too," Ennis replied, feeling Jack's cold lips upon his. The feeling took some getting used to, but he did like how they could still show their affection in some way. Jack may be dead, but he was here and that was all that mattered. Everything would come together in its own way. There were only five days left, and he would not waste them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_February 7th, 1984_

By Tuesday, Ennis had quit his job at the ranch. He could feel himself growing weaker with just three days left, and he had been given the last of his wages. He would give it to the girls when he saw them.

He was still asleep, and Jack was watching him silently; sensing that Ennis's life was drawing to its close. He did feel sorry for Ennis despite how it would bring them together; he wasn't looking forward to seeing Ennis in pain. He would obviously be there for Ennis when it happened, but still.

_I love you so much, _Jack thought as he watched Ennis sleep; it was the only time when he didn't look tired and weary. He watched Ennis carefully at night, making sure that he wasn't having nightmares or feeling any pain. Ennis hadn't stopped smoking, since he hadn't seen much point in doing so; the damage was done.

He carefully reached out and ran a hand through Ennis's hair; it wasn't quite as curly as it used to be, and it was a lot greyer than he remembered. He himself looked like he had on Brokeback, with his thick black hair that he knew Ennis had liked. Ennis would look like his younger self when this was over, and they would have a very long time together.

Ennis started stirring just as the sun was rising around five, out of habit more than anything else by now. Jack smiled when those deep brown eyes started blinking at him, full of sleep. "Mornin', bud," he said softly, still stroking Ennis's hair. Ennis smiled back.

"Mornin'. Don't you sleep?"

"Don't need to anymore," Jack replied, shrugging. "Besides, I wanna watch over you. Puts my mind at rest, you know?"

Ennis sat up and yawned, which Jack thought was completely endearing. "I guess. What are we doin' today?"

Jack sat up next to him and bumped his shoulder. "Ennis, I...I think you should go an' see yer girls today. In a couple of days you won't be able to get out of bed...so you should do it while you can."

Knowing that he was right, Ennis nodded. "You're right. I was thinkin' of goin' to see Alma too. Apologise for everythin', you know?"

Jack smiled at him. "I think that's a great idea, Ennis. If it gives you closure..." He kissed Ennis's cheek and got up, nodding to him. "You get a shower an' I'll make you some breakfast."

"Can you do that?" Ennis asked. Jack shrugged.

"Ain't like I'm gonna burn myself. An' I'm solid so I don't see why not. Worth a try, anyway." He left the bedroom and Ennis got himself ready for the day.

He was eating the breakfast that Jack made him when the phone rang; he'd installed it recently so as to remain in touch with his girls. "Hello?"

"Ennis, it's me," came Alma's voice. "I just wanted to let you know that me an' Monroe are takin' the girls to see his folks this weekend. I know you was supposed to be havin' 'em, but..."

"Alma, it's okay," he cut her off, looking at Jack. "There's somethin' I gotta tell you...I won't be here this weekend."

"You off somewhere?"

"No...the thing is...I've got cancer, Alma. The um...the doctors say I've got until Friday at the most." He didn't want to tell her it was Jack; he knew that she followed the Bible and what it said, so he didn't want to shatter her entire belief system by telling her that he and Jack wouldn't be in Hell.

"Ennis...I'm so sorry," she replied, sounding genuinely upset. "I don't know what to say..."

"You don't have to say nothin', Alma. I know I did you wrong an' I just wanna tell you that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have married you when I knew how I felt 'bout Jack."

"We was just kids, Ennis. We didn't know anythin' but what we were told by our folks. Things were just different back then an' you didn't really have a choice." He was surprised by her lack of anger for what he had done, but it did make sense now. "From the moment I saw you two kissin' on the steps I knew that I never had a chance of keepin' you anyway."

Ennis bit his lip. "I sure am sorry, an' you should know that Jack was sorry for it too. We didn't wanna hurt you or his wife, but...I'm the one who said we should have them double lives. It woulda been better if I'd gone off with him, but I was just tryin' to do right by you an' the girls."

"It might have been better for us to be apart. You would've been happier; I know that. Still...water under the bridge now. You wanna see the girls before...?"

"Yeah, I do. Reckon I won't be able to move much soon. I was thinkin' of comin' down there today, actually."

"Good timin', then. They're both here all day. Kurt an' Monroe are both workin' so you won't get disturbed. You want me here?"

"I wanna talk to each of 'em alone, if that's okay. Got different things to say to 'em."

"Sure. I'll take the boys to the park," she told him, still sounding concerned. "Um...Ennis...thank you. For tryin' anyway even if you didn't love me. We wouldn't have our girls otherwise."

"That's true. Thanks for everythin', Alma."

"Bye." She clicked off and he looked at the phone, feeling a lot better than he had in years. He was aware of Jack wrapping his arms around him from behind..

"You okay?"

"Been wantin' to clear the air for years," Ennis replied, sighing and putting the phone back. "Felt good."

Jack smiled and kissed the back of his neck. "I'm glad. So you goin' to see the girls?"

Ennis nodded. "Yeah. Will you...come with me? I know they can't see you, but..."

Jack squeezed him tightly. "Of course I will, cowboy."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

By the time Ennis and Jack reached Alma's house, she had already left with her sons; the girls would be on their own in there. Ennis knew that they would take the news of his illness hard, but he had to do this. They deserved to see him one last time.

With Jack's help, Ennis had managed to figure out exactly what he wanted Junior to do after his death and had written her some instructions. Together, they had remembered the area on Brokeback where they had fallen in love and started their relationship; they wanted her to scatter the ashes from the hillside. Ennis was confident that she would reach the area with very little trouble.

He sat his girls down on the sofa and got ready to tell them; Jack sat in the armchair and watched. "Well...I dunno if your mama told you anythin' about why I wanted to see you."

"She sounded kinda serious," Junior replied. "Are you okay, Daddy?"

He smiled at her intuition. "I ain't, Junior. I've got lung cancer from all them years of smokin'. The doctors can't do nothin'..."

Tears filled two pairs of eyes as they took in this information. "Daddy..." He hugged them tightly and looked at Jack, who looked sadly at the girls he wished he could have known better. They had changed a lot since he'd seen them.

"Girls, it's okay...shh..." He waited until they had calmed down before speaking again. "You two are good, strong girls an' I know that yer gonna be okay. You've got yer mama, an' Monroe's a decent enough fella, I reckon."

"He is, but he ain't you," Jenny sniffed, wiping her eyes. He smiled at her.

"Darlin'...it'll be okay. Listen...I've got some things I wanna say to you both on yer own. Junior, can you give us a sec?"

She nodded and went into the kitchen; Ennis indicated to Jack that he wanted him to follow her and make sure she was okay. Jack did so, finding her leaning over the sink and staring out of the window. When Junior wasn't looking, he silently got some kitchen towel and pushed it close to her. She wiped her eyes and looked around the room, feeling as if she was being watched.

Ennis talked to Jenny about how proud he was of her and how much she reminded him of his sister. He knew she wanted to sing and he told her that she should follow her dream.

When they were finished, Ennis sent Jenny for her sister and Jack kept an eye on her too while Ennis spoke to Junior.

"Listen...I had some different things to say to you, apart from what you already know," he told her. "You know I love you, Junior. You're the smartest girl I know so...there's somethin' I want you to do for me."

"What?" she asked, sniffing. He rubbed her shoulder.

"You remember my friend, Jack Twist?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You loved him, didn't you?" At the look on his face, she managed a shaky laugh. "Um...I kinda figured it out. You weren't happy with Mama, an' you seemed happy when you was goin' on yer trips with him. Then last year, we saw you after your trip an' you seemed really sad."

"We had a fight," Ennis admitted. "I said things that I shouldn't have, an' it hurt him."

She nodded. "Then a month later, you...got worse. You seemed really upset afterwards..."

"Jack died," he told her, the memory of that day outside the post office still stinging even now. "He was killed by guys who don't like what we felt about each other. An' now...it's nearly time to join him."

"Daddy...in the kitchen I got the feelin' I was bein' watched. Is he...?"

Ennis smiled. "Yeah, he's here. He appeared in my trailer an' I asked him to come with me. You girls can't see him, but he's keepin' an eye on Jenny now."

His daughter smiled back. "Tell him I said thanks...for makin' you happy." Ennis could see Jack in the kitchen, watching them with a smile on his face.

"He knows. Look, Junior..." He handed her several pieces of paper. "I've written some things for you. Tellin' you about me an' Jack, but also what I want you to do when I've gone. I want you to follow these instructions, okay? Yer mama knows I'm sorry for what happened an' we've made our peace. But this is what I want you to do, okay? You can tell yer sister but I want you to do it."

She nodded, holding the papers close. "Okay, Daddy." Ennis called to Jenny and she came back in, followed by Jack. Then he stood up.

"I best get goin', then. I love you girls, an' you know you made me happy." They hugged him and finally let him go, with Jack glancing back at them sadly.

Outside in the fresh air, Ennis turned to his companion. "Well...that was okay, I guess." Jack smiled at him.

"I know that wasn't easy for you, bud. But at least it's done now."

"Yeah. You know...Junior told me that she felt like she was bein' watched. I think she could sense you, Jack."

"Maybe. She's a smart girl, that one."

"Sure is." They headed back to Ennis's truck and he drove them back to the trailer park where he had been living for the last few years. Jack didn't like to think of Ennis living in a place like this; if they'd been together then things would have been better for them, but this was how the dice had rolled.

Inside, Jack took Ennis's hands. "Ennis...you know that from tomorrow you've only got two days left. You've sorted things out with Alma an' the girls, so is there anythin' else you wanna do?"

Ennis shrugged. "Don't think so. Just wanna spend time with you, if that's okay."

Jack smiled and kissed him. "That's more than okay, cowboy." Ennis smiled back, feeling more at peace than ever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The pair of them spent the rest of the day together, and Jack noticed that Ennis was growing tired more easily. He knew that the end was coming soon, but he would be right there to help his friend through it. He would never leave Ennis to deal with this by himself.

They were sitting on the bed together, holding each other close and occasionally kissing. Both of them wanted to do more, but knew they wouldn't have long to wait. On the other side, they could do whatever they wanted and they would have forever. That was something to think about.

"How you feelin'?" Jack asked, nudging him. Ennis shrugged.

"I'm tired. Don't have much energy, to be honest..." Jack nodded; he'd expected that.

"I know, bud. Look...if you wanna ask me anythin' about dyin', I don't mind. Anythin'?"

Ennis thought for a moment. "Does it really hurt?"

"It did for me, but then I was attacked. You're dyin' of somethin' else so it might not hurt as much, you know?"

"Jack...was you hurtin' for long?" Ennis asked him, eyes full of concern for him. Jack smiled a little. It didn't pain him to talk about it now; it had been a long enough time ago.

"Not too long. It hurt while they was doin' it, but then...they left me alone an'...I could feel myself slippin' away an' eventually it didn't hurt no more."

Ennis squeezed his hand. "If I'd known...I woulda hunted every one of 'em until they paid for what they did to you." He rested his head on Jack's shoulder, feeling a strange kind of warmth even though Jack was so cold. He liked it, for some reason.

Jack kissed the top of his head. "That's sweet, Ennis. But that mighta landed you in trouble, or gotten you hurt. I don't want that, never did."

After a while, Ennis thought of something he'd wanted to ask Jack ever since he'd turned up. "Jack? Um...when did you...fall in love with me?" Jack smiled and thought about it.

"Well...I was attracted to you right from that day by Aguirre's trailer. There was just somethin' about you that I liked. An' I enjoyed spendin' time with you over the summer. Then that day by the fire when we was talkin' about our families...you remember?"

"Yeah, I do," Ennis replied, smiling back at him. "An' you started jumpin' around like you was ridin' a bull."

"Yep. That was when I started feelin' somethin' deeper, you know? That's when I fell in love."

Ennis thought about it, and realised that the same could be said for him. "Me too, Jack. I remember our first night well enough. Did I hurt you too much?"

Jack shook his head. "No, you didn't. It hurt, but I still liked bein' with you. But the second night was somethin' else. Remember our first kiss?"

"Yeah...I'll never forget that. God, I was so scared. But you were there for me, helpin' me through it."

"An' I'll be there for you in a couple of days," Jack promised him, kissing his cheek. "So you're sure that there's nothin' else you wanna do? You won't get no chance after today. What about yer brother an' sister?"

Ennis shook his head. "No...haven't spoken to 'em for years. Don't have a number for either of 'em, no idea where they are."

Jack got up and found the phone book that Ennis kept but hardly looked in. "They might be in here. Are you sure? You could just leave 'em a message an' then we'll unplug the phone so they won't disturb us over the next few days."

Ennis relented and waved him back over with the book; Jack grabbed the phone along the way. "Worth a shot, I guess." Jack sat back down next to him and they flicked through it until they spotted K.E. Del Mar.

"Well, look at that. You wanna give it a try?" Ennis nodded and took the phone. There was no answer when he dialled the number, but he left a message as Jack had instructed. There wasn't much to say, given how little time they had spent together as adults, but Ennis simply said that there were no hard feelings for the past and that he wished him all the best.

They found his sister's number too, remembering to look for her married name, and Ennis had more to say in his message to her. He thanked her for taking care of him after their parents had died, despite how the odds had always been against them. He wished her well and he had to admit that he felt better afterwards.

"How d'you feel now?" Jack asked him, smiling. Ennis nodded.

"Good. Better than I did, actually. Feels like...everythin's been sorted now."

"Ennis...it's a good idea for you to clear everythin' up before you die. I wish I'd done the same with Lureen an' Bobby but I didn't get the chance an' now I never will." He shrugged. "Never mind. I'm where I wanna be now an' that's all that matters. They'll all be just fine."

He kissed Ennis's cheek again and laid the book and phone down on the bed. "I love you."

Ennis smiled back at him; the words were easy to say now but he wished he could have said them sooner, when Jack was alive. "Love you too, bud." He felt Jack's lips upon his; it tingled a little but he was used to it by now.

When they broke apart, Jack pulled Ennis's head back to his shoulder. "It'll be okay, Ennis. It's gonna hurt when it happens, but then it'll soon be over. An' I'm gonna be here for all of it until you're ready to cross over with me."

Ennis felt very apprehensive about what was going to happen, but he trusted Jack to look after him. He would be spending his final days with the love of his life and that soothed him. Everything was going to be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's notes_

_Get the tissues ready!_

_Kathryn xxx_

* * *

**Chapter 9**

_February 10th, 1984_

It was almost time. Ennis had been unable to get out of bed that morning and was very weak. Jack had seen this coming and had watched his friend in the night, doing everything he could to help. He put more pillows under Ennis's head to make him more comfortable, and whispered in his ear that he was there. It seemed to calm him down and he slept soundly, or at least as much as he could under the circumstances.

Ennis had tossed and turned in the night, his breathing becoming raspier as the cancer started to take its hold on him. Jack could sense that he was agitated and he felt very sorry for it. He'd never wanted to see Ennis in pain and this was horrible for him.

With Ennis awake, Jack sat next to him and held his hand as time passed. He knew it wouldn't be long now. "It's okay," he soothed, stroking Ennis's hand gently. His lover gazed up at him, at the face he knew so well. That face had haunted his dreams for over twenty years.

"It hurts..." he ground out, wincing as he breathed. "God..."

Jack blinked back tears, the sight before him making him feel miserable. Ennis didn't deserve such pain even though it would bring them together in the end.

"I know, cowboy. But I'm right here...it's okay..."

"Jack...that ranch you wanted us to have...tell me 'bout it," Ennis asked him, wanting to know what Jack had dreamt of. "You musta had a picture in yer mind..."

Jack nodded. "Well...it varied sometimes but...mostly there was this house on a big stretch of land. Couple hundred acres, maybe more. The house had one of them wrap-around porches, like in the old movies. An' we had a barn, an' stables for horses with a paddock. It was real lush, you know? Lots of green land..."

Ennis smiled. "A little cow an' calf operation, huh? I'm sorry you didn't get that..." Jack shook his head.

"Don't matter now. We'll have somethin' else on the other side. A different kind of life, you know? An' there won't be nobody who can hurt us."

He stroked Ennis's cheek, looking into those deep brown eyes that he loved so much. "We're gonna be together forever, Ennis. That's what I wanted, no matter how it happened."

"When my girls die...one day...will I be able to see 'em?" Ennis asked. As much as he wanted to spend eternity with Jack, he also wanted to see his daughters.

Jack nodded. "You can see 'em whenever you want. You could even see your parents if you wanted. But the people who would hurt us won't be able to get near us."

"I thought that guys like you an' me went to Hell," Ennis breathed, wincing again. Jack shrugged.

"Well...turns out that's all wrong. We wasn't bad people, Ennis. We tried to do the right thing an' fallin' in love ain't a sin. The people who go to Hell are the ones who deserve it, like murderers an' those sick bastards who mess with kids. Not us, Ennis. I know what the Bible says, but...turns out it's not all true."

Ennis nodded. "I figured that when you turned up. Didn't wanna tell Alma 'bout you bein' here 'cos I know what she believes. Ain't fair to do that to her."

Jack smiled. "You're a good man, Ennis...just a little messed up 'cos of what yer daddy did. But I love you anyway, you know? We're both a little messed up."

They fell silent for a little while longer, during which Ennis could start to feel himself growing tired and weaker. He knew it wouldn't be much longer. "Jack...I'm scared," he whispered, looking up at his lover. Maybe he was imagining it, but he thought that Jack was a little warmer than usual; perhaps the gap between them was closing as he neared his own death.

Jack kissed his hand. "Shh...it's okay. I know it's scary but I'm right here. I won't let you die on yer own. Gonna be okay."

"Am I gonna see stuff?" Ennis asked unsurely. "You know...like a white light or somethin'?"

"I ain't allowed to tell you that, bud. One of the rules while I'm here. But it's gonna be okay, I promise." He pressed a kiss to Ennis's forehead and watched as his breathing became weaker. "Ennis...it's okay. You can let go now..."

Ennis could feel his eyelids drooping, and he could almost smell the familiar scent of pine from the mountain where he had found love. "Jack..." he breathed, remembering how Jack had laughed and sang, and how it had felt during those nights in the tent. He remembered those sweet lips and everything he had felt when he was with Jack.

At the painful look on Ennis's face, Jack stroked his cheek. "It's alright...it's alright. Don't fight it, Ennis...the pain's gonna be over soon..."

He bit his lip when Ennis groaned in pain, his chest heaving. "Jack...can't breathe..."

"I know, I know," Jack replied, taking both of Ennis's hands in his own and grasping them tightly to reassure him. "I'm here, cowboy. It's okay..."

Ennis looked into his eyes and tried to calm down, but he was terrified. "Jack..."

"Shh..." Jack shushed him gently, the sight tearing at his heart. "It's alright...it'll be over soon..."

Ennis's eyelids grew heavier and his chest tightened. He groaned and finally felt the pain slip away. He sank back down onto the bed, lifeless. Jack screwed his eyes shut; it hurt even though he knew they would be reunited soon. Certain things had to happen before Ennis would return to him; he had to see things first and understand.

He let go of Ennis's hands and kissed his forehead, sighing to himself. "I love you, Ennis," he whispered, smiling through his tears. It hadn't been easy to watch Ennis lose this battle, but in just a short amount of time everything would be okay. Soon, they would be together again.


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's notes_

_Hey guys! Here's the last chapter of the story. I know this hasn't been easy to read but I hope you've enjoyed it :)_

_My next story is called Wait For Me, a story of Ennis in the Navy and meeting Jack while on shore leave. If you know anything of this subject you'll know that there can be several months between shore leave stops, so this next story will have an unusual structure. There will be quite a time jump between chapters, as this is the only way to tell the story without having it drag and become boring. I will however try to plug the gap as much as I can with the narrative, so I hope you like it :) The first chapter will be posted on Tuesday._

_Kathryn xxx_

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Jack didn't have to wait long. No more than ten minutes had passed before he became aware of a presence behind him. He turned to see Ennis standing there, looking confused. "Jack?"

"Hey..." Jack stood up and took his hands, smiling slightly. "You okay?"

Ennis looked at him for a few moments and nodded. "I think so..." He then looked at his own body in the bed and grimaced. "Shit..."

"I know, but it don't hurt no more, right?" Jack asked him. "You feel better now?" Ennis finally smiled.

"Yeah, I do. Jack...the things I saw..."

"I know...saw 'em myself before I got up in that field. But it's okay now. It's all over."

Ennis sighed. "So...what now?"

"We can cross over, if you're ready. But ain't you forgettin' somethin'?" Jack asked mischievously, a familiar glint in his eyes. Ennis's smile widened and he leaned in, capturing Jack's lips with his own, and feeling that sensation running through him once more. The kisses they had shared over the week had been good, but nothing like this. It was more like the kisses they used to have.

He drew Jack into his arms and gently pushed his tongue into that warm mouth, having missed this so much. Jack grinned against his lips and blinked several times when they pulled apart. "Damn..."

"I missed this..." Ennis murmured, bringing their foreheads together. "You were here all this week, but...I still missed you..."

"We can do even more when we're on the other side," Jack replied in a low purr, nuzzling his face. Now that everything had come together at last, he was looking forward to the next part.

Ennis smiled and became aware of something happening in the main room of the trailer. He turned and could see a white light coming from somewhere. "Jack?" he asked unsurely. Jack squeezed his arm.

"It's okay, bud. Come on." He guided Ennis through the doorway to the main area. The light source was a white door that had appeared in the place of the normal door, which filled Ennis with both anticipation and fear.

"We're supposed to go through that?" he asked, and Jack nodded, taking his hand as the door opened.

"Yep. You ready?" Ennis took a deep breath and thought of his girls, knowing that they would be alright. It was time for him to move on now, with Jack.

"Yeah." He was aware of them walking through the door, squinting against the light and eventually closing his eyes against it.

Before he opened them, he immediately sensed that something was different. He could smell pine and fresh air; he could hear a river running. Jack's hand was slotted into his and he slowly opened his eyes.

They were back on Brokeback, just as it had been when they were alive. Everything was the same, right down to the tent at the edge of the campfire and the hillside behind them. He gulped, the emotions filling him up. "God...Jack..."

"I know," Jack replied, smiling and kissing his cheek. "Told you it'd be like this. What d'you think?"

Ennis looked around him; it was like travelling back in time. "Just like how it was back in that summer..." He looked at the tent. "Do we need that? We don't need to sleep, right?"

Jack gave him a look. "It ain't for sleepin', dumbass. Unless you wanna do it out here all the time..."

His lover shook his head. "Guess not. Um...you said I could see people if I wanted. Like my folks. How?"

"I'll tell you about that later. It's kinda tricky to explain." Jack turned to face him, taking Ennis's hands in his own. "Ennis...is this alright for you? I mean...when we die we're allowed to spend it in a place that meant a lot to us when we was alive. I chose this place an' I figured you'd wanna be here too." He shrugged. "That okay? If you wanna be somewhere else we can..."

Ennis smiled and squeezed his hands. "This is just fine, Jack. This camp...it's where we fell in love. I ain't never been as happy as I was here with you. This is great."

Jack grinned and kissed him again. "Ennis...what d'you wanna do first? We don't need to eat or sleep or...other stuff," he said, nodding at the bushes and grinning wider. "But we can just enjoy each other, you know? Have a kinda life here."

"It ain't a ranch, like you wanted," Ennis pointed out. "You sure that's alright?"

"Ennis, that's somethin' I never told you. It didn't matter to me if we had a ranch or just lived together. I just wanted to be with you...I suggested a ranch 'cos I thought it might appeal to you an' it might make you agree to do it. I thought that if I could convince you to give it a try, it'd get to a point where you'd be happy with me. Where we could say that we love each other."

Ennis pulled Jack into his arms, rubbing his back. "Darlin'...I'm sorry for all that. I did want it, right from when you first asked. But I was too scared 'cos of what happened to Earl, an' I didn't wanna hurt Alma. Didn't wanna leave the girls..."

"I never said you had to choose," Jack told him. "I thought we'd arrange somethin', like seein' our kids at the weekends an' in the summer. I would never ask you to choose between me an' the girls."

"I know that now," Ennis replied, kissing his neck. "I just wish it hadn't taken you dyin' to make me realise what I really wanted. An' then I thought it was too late..."

"Ain't never too late," Jack said as they pulled apart a little. "We're together now, an' nobody can hurt us." He kissed Ennis and bit his lip, thinking. "Um...Ennis...can we...?"

Ennis smirked, feeling himself becoming aroused and knowing that Jack was responding. "Reckon so. Been long enough." He took Jack's hand and led him to the tent, ready to re-establish the connection that had been forged long ago.


End file.
